19. What is a Sexyfied Life

Hello everyone. And welcome to another episode if you need here. Welcome. And if you're not, thank you for coming back and thank you all for sharing your valuable time with me, I appreciate. Today's episode is about defining what a sexyfied life is. It occured to me, not so long ago that maybe I should have started with that. But, you know, it's always more fun to talk about sex, change of perspectives around self-development and a ton of metaphors. So let's discuss what makes being alive, sexy. 


I envision your sexyfied life as a way to bring the amazingness of the spiritual world into our 3d reality. Because as a doctor, I always have in the back of my head, or on my mind, a reality check about a lot of things you can see out there. And also because I spent a lot of time and money quote unquote "working on myself", with very little results. 


Don't get me wrong, if your self-development practices work and you have the time to do something with it, and they're not only amazing books you've read once and they ended up making you feel bad because "once again, I didn't do what I say I would do" please continue what you are doing. Or if you are currently living in the life of perfect bliss and perfect alignment, thanks to to your spiritual practices, abundance work, and every other thing, please go for it. You rock and you're lucky. 


As someone who has navigated a lot of spiritual communities, practices, beliefs, et cetera... I noticed in the end, at least for me, I ended up giving all this a lot of my time. So much that a part of me was wondering, "how are people who have children doing?" Just the three pages in the morning, takes 30 minutes. When you are a parent, you barely can find 30 minutes for yourself a day. Do you want to spend them writing? Maybe. But... The result I got from such a long time of self studying, going from one little discovery, or one big discovery, to an other, from one explanation to another, almost changed... nothing. Or very little. 


I still felt sad, deep down. And guilty. "With all of what you were doing, how come you are not happy. You only have to think. About how come you still feel unhappy? You are a privileged western woman, if you had to find out how to put food on the table, you wouldn't have the time to ask yourself all of these questions. So what is wrong with you?" 


So after realizing, sadly, all of this work wasn't working, I started to look somewhere else. And then, I noticed the key part was missing. I was doing all of this with my head. I mean, come on... If writing affirmations every morning "I love money and money loves me". We would all be millionaires, right? 


But you cannot deny there other forces at play sometimes. So where do they come from? Because let's be honest, if our goal as humans was to transcend our human condition, so that we become a fluffy light being with no physical incarnation, we would not be here in the first place. And we wouldn't have a body. 


So maybe... just maybe the body has the solutions, you know, the "all the answers are inside of you" thing. Gosh, I hate that. And what I hate even more is that it's true. At least all the important answers. I'm sure I didn't get the answer for my exams during med school there. Believe me, I asked. 


So maybe the solution is somewhere else, spoiler alert it is. Maybe... I don't know.... in the vehicle that actually helps you be alive in the first place. So with all of that, my mission became to share how we can create the bridge between the two worlds. The very elevated spiritual, energetic world. Because let's face it. We all know deep down we're more than a human body. 


Or at least if you're listening to the podcast, I'm sure this is a concept that you're familiar with. And the 3d world of our bodies. And what better way to do that than talking about sex and becoming a sex coach. When you think about it, it's a way to create a bridge too. But I'll be honest with you... This episode was quite an experience to write. It has been an interesting exercise to try to define exactly what's the message I wanted to share with the podcast name, and my coaching method. Because clarity is everything but also getting clarity sometimes can be foggy as hell. So let's dive in. 





(: 05:36

So what's a Sexyfied life? Wow. What a difficult question. Although, I would admit that at the moment, I have more episodes about "here is a metaphor that might change how you look at things" than practical sex tips. And we'll talk about them. It's just there are so many things I want to talk about. And also my brain loves downloading a metaphor on its own when I have another episode plan. That's just how it works. 


I will go bold and say that our true nature is to be sexual beings, at least for most of us. Some people are asexual and if you still feel truly happy, aligned with who you are, and enjoying the waves of life... great. But many of us convince ourselves we actually don't care about our sexuality, because X, Y or Z reasons. Let's say, totally randomly, conditioning good girl syndrome, patriarchy, lack of education, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. When you take the time to think about it simply, what literally creates life is sexual energy. Like literally you need sexual energy to come to life. And we are here like, "nah, you know what? I'm not sure what literally creates me has nothing to do with me". Let me laugh. Little humans are not created from a brilliant mind playing on his own. At some point you will need some kind of sexual interaction, with another human being. And a connection to your sexual energy. 


We could go on and on trying to define what's sexy. And I'm sure there is a ton of episode material there. But I think. your sexyfied life is about discovering your true sexiness, a sexiness that looks like who you truly are. To create a sex life that looks like what you want, in a body that is mobile, has some range of motion, where you are allowed to breathe and experience pleasure. In my opinion, we're sexy when we are magnetic. When we radiate lifeforce from every cell of our body. 


And let's be honest. Sometimes you don't want to radiate anything and just stay in bed because you are sick as hell and that's okay too. The beauty of a sexyfied life is that you are radiating magnetic life force and alignment most of the time. And it's also okay if that's not the case at some point. 


True sexiness can be about sexy clothing. But have you ever met someone dressed in a sexy clothing, but looking shutdown and switched off? And on the contrary, have you ever met someone who was hot as hell, but without any sort of revealing clothes, just from how magnetic this person is? 


Maybe it's more of a, I don't know, connection to your sexual energy, to Eros. Radiating "this is who I am". And with that definition, you get to choose. And decide what's your sexiness. What is yours? What it can look like. 


And good news, the best way to reconnect to your sexual energy? Go in therapy for years, wondering what is wrong with you, and all of your crap coming from your father who was a jerk , nah, just kidding. It's through sexual practices or having sex. Of course having sex also means doing your sexual practices on your own: self pleasuring, sensually caressing your body. And also respecting yourself consent. Never force yourself to do anything. 


If you don't know what self consent is, you can go back and listen to the episode, I'll link it in the show notes. But In my opinion, a sexyfied life is a sexually aware life. It's a life that is connected to your sexual energy. Or if not connected for a moment, that is aware you have that. And that you deserve that. 





The good thing when you allow yourself to reconnect to your sexual energy? You start to feel more pleasure. And as you may have heard many times here, pleasure is our true nature. For everyone. 


So that's a Sexyfied Life too. A life connected to more pleasure, generally speaking. And sexual pleasure included. And surprise, surprise, this is easy and at the same time, he can really be challenging. Since our true nature is pleasure, as soon as we start reclaiming it, helping us get connected to our bodies and really feeling what feels good, is easier to find. But this ease is also severally guarded by many people. Conditioning, patriarchy, family history, et cetera. All of them telling us "this is how things are supposed to be. And that's how it is". Releasing all of that takes time. Commitment. And it really is journey. 


So, yeah, a sexyfied life is a life where you experience more pleasure, where you release your conditioning, starting to absolutely not giving a fuck about what people say. And I won't lie and say I don't care about other people's opinion. But what I do know is that I can choose what to do with it. 


The good thing with pleasure? It helps create safety in your nervous system. And safety is the base of everything. You can tell yourself you want to dress in clothing that makes you feel sexy. If it is stored somewhere, I don't know, maybe everywhere, "being dressed sexy as f*ck" equals "I am in danger" it won't work. 


Pleasure helps you create safety. And when you feel safer, you experience more pleasure. How many of us, myself included, have this tendency to cut ourselves from pleasure on every occasion? Like allowing ourselves to experience pleasure comes at the bottom of the to-do list. Pleasure can be as simple as your favorite drink, for example, or a piece of chocolate that you'd take the time to savor. Or taking the time to breathe into your shower, like nice shampoo or shower gel, or anything that feels nice to your nose.. 


I don't know about you, but personally, when I feel bad, the first thing I tend to do is to cut myself out of all sources of pleasure by switching on the autopilot. And the definition of autopilot is disconnection from yourself, from every source of pleasure. And since we cannot selectively numb, when we deny ourselves our right to pleasure... well, we deny ourselves the right to feel truly alive.




Think about it for a second. When we deny ourselves our right to pleasure, we deny ourselves the right to feel truly alive. Connecting to our sexuality is helping us connect to this essence. To our pleasure. And when we do that, we start to feel whole. We stop feeling there is a part of us missing somewhere, that we can neither find nor know what it is. 


So, yeah a sexyfied life is all of that. A life connected to your true sexiness, to your own life force, where you can enjoy sexual practices and experience more, pleasure. So that your sexuality helps you feel whole. And you know, what helps feeling whole? Coming home yourself. 


(: 14:02

I don't know about you, but personally, I am not a really good model of "I am so in love with myself". More a model of "I am so at war with myself". And saying that I am not doing that anymore is kind of a lie, because self hates come back through the window even if I send it out through the door with a nice kick in the butt... 


And one day, I realized how much energy it costs me. Literally how much energy was spent there. And not available for anything else. If that's your case too, just take a second to think about it. What could you do with all this mental space available if you stopped hating yourself? 


I'm not saying it will be easy, definitely isn't. But we can make some progress towards accepting ourselves, or stop hating ourselves... That's what we do in this podcast as well. And in my opinion, that's a sexyfied life too. That's a life where your energy is hundred percent at your service. And not half loss in maintaining things that are not helpful. 


When you come home to yourself. You start to feel how much power you have. How powerful you are. And that also helps you feel whole. No wonder we have this emptiness feeling inside, looking for something that feels missing, with this thirst we cannot satisfy. 


But with great power comes... many opportunities to mess things up. That's just facts. So two options: either you can allow the mess to be here, or you can fight it with all your energy. 


You may think the second option is the most efficient, but all this energy will be lost in the process. Energy that you could use somewhere else. 


Knowing that I hope you will find some ease with what's messy around you. It's not about something you're not doing right. It's because you have such a strong power. There's no way it can fit in a box. It's going to lighten up the dust around the box anyway. That's the way it is. 


That's also what comes up with a sexyfied life, with a connection to your power. With great inner power comes also the need to take radical responsibility for what you're doing. 





A sexyified life is a life where you take a hundred percent responsibility for what you are doing amazingly. And also a hundred percent responsibility for your own shit. It's way easier for us, myself included, to find excuses or explanations or anything else, because our brain loves explanations. And if these explanations can be not from our responsibility, it's even better. 


If I take a personal example, I could say I am having a hard time because someone in my family is sick technology is hard when you build a business, the coaching industry is way overcrowded, nobody will ever listen to what I want to say -That's not true. You're here- Or I could also say, "okay, let's be real... first you dropped literally all of your practices, no yoga, no meditation, no pleasure practices of any sort. Second, you're taking a nice bath into your really nice uncomfortable comfort zone - believing me feeling miserable and/or totally dissociated and not connected with my body at all, is the good way to go forward. Because it has worked before. And third you're just terrified nobody actually gives a shit about what you do". -That's not true, you're here- 


So, yeah. A hundred percent responsibility. Definitely not a hundred percent comfortable. But responsible. 


So what can I do with it? Here comes an amazing self development cliche that I hate because it's true. The answer is to accept yourself. Say that to someone whose default mechanism is to feel "I have to hate myself and get on full autopilot to be efficient or succeeding in my life. Thank you. I hate you. Bye." Nevertheless it's true. And it sucks that it's true. 


What we said earlier about using energy in more interesting places, that also applies here. Because acceptance is an everlasting journey, starting from self-hate to neutrality, to curiosity, to tolerance, to acceptance, and self-love... In my opinion, a sexyfied life is a life where you can step out of your mechanism. If you're stuck in self hate, a your life would be stepping out of it. And if you are available to access self-acceptance, sexifying your life would be to accept all the parts of you. Without exception. 


And also acknowledged that you cannot switch from one place to another overnight. That would just be bypassing. Things take time and that sucks. And anybody promising you instant result is lying. But I'm sure you knew that already. 


So to recap, a Sexyfied life is a life where you reconnect to your sexuality, where you find your true sexiness, ackowledge you are a sexual being, and yes, that you deserve pleasure and sexual practices. It's also a life where you come home to yourself, you acknowledge your power, and how you will mess things up, how you have to take responsibility for what you are doing. And trying to do your best on the acceptance journey. And because being alive is sexy, let's talk about the last part of a sexyfied life: finding your life sparkle. 


Before we continue... if you are enjoying this episode and the show, would you do me a favor and use this single to click on the star rating to help the sexyfied magic spread into the world? And if you have 10 seconds, you can support the show by writing a review too. Thank you very much. Let's dive right back in. 


(: 20:36

Talk about a big goal: find back my life sparkle? Good luck with that. I don't know about you, but I arrived in a time of my life, I wasn't even sure why I was alive anymore. It's not that I was sad or depressed or had any suicidal ideas. I just felt "is that it? Is that all there is? Is life just this?" I saw some people around me, not so many if I have to be honest, living their best life and enjoying it. Really looking they were happy to be alive. And I looked at myself and wondered: "what is actually wrong with you, young lady? You have everything. Why are you not happy? Why are you not happy to be alive?" That's what I call the autopilot mode. A moment of time where your life is a train racing forward with you on the side. Living a life that is supposed to be yours, but doesn't feel like it. From one obligation to another. From one to do to another. And, truth to be told, totally numb. If you're there, I see you, it sucks, but there are solutions. I promise. 


As you have heard me say many times, you cannot selectively numb. If one part of your life is numb, let's say, randomly, your sex life, there's a good chance the rest of it will fade eventually. That's just how things are. And when you start to heal what has been hurt, when you let go of numbness, you get everything back. Which is great because you get the joy, the pleasure, the juiciness of being alive. And which is also challenging, because you also get the waves of sadness, the grief, the anger. Everything that you lovingly put under the rug for so long. And I say this in the kindest way of all, we all do that. 


All of this will come back and say "Hey, you know what? We're still here". The best way to find your life sparkle back? Be willing to feel it all. For real. And at first, it can be really scary. Do I really want a life where my shit might blow up right into my face at any moment? Well, there are techniques to be sure this process goes somewhat smoothly. But at some point, you need to feel to heal, at least on a somatic level. And the good thing is, when you feel all of that, you have more space available to feel everything else. Instead of holding tight to some unprocessed emotions and sensations. 


But what I would invite you to ask yourself is "if I have a choice between feeling very little in my life, and feeling it all including the epicness of the good and the messiness of the shit. What do I want?" 


Let me say that again: "if I have a choice between a life where I feel very little and a life where I feel it all, including the epicness of the good and the messiness of the shit. What do I want?" Only you have the answer. 


In my opinion, a Sexyfied life is a life where you want to feel it all, knowing that if you want to feel the true happiness of being alive, you will also have to feel some unpleasant things. But they are usually way less intense than you think, if you use the right tools. Isn't the definition of being alive a life where you feel ready to ride life's waves? 


Oh, and just dropping that out there, what better way to find your life sparkle back then experiencing pleasure and orgasms on a regular basis? You know, an orgasm a day keeps the worries away. 


To reconnect to your life sparkle, you need more energy available. So you need to reclaim all of your energy stuck in unhappy conditioning, past dramas, inner child unintegrated pieces, unresolved family issues. And truth to be told it's also an everlasting journey. A whole lifetime dedicated to that won't be enough to heal it all.. 


But I would even go further... what if the point wasn't to heal it all? Just to be more comfortable within your own skins, that you can finally feel good and happy to be alive. Does that feel more achievable? In my system it definitely does. Reliefs pressure somehow. It's not "I will only feel good when... when I finished this, when I've changed my job, when I've worked on my marriage, et cetera". It's more a question of "I can feel it all. The biggest joys and the crappy shit". 


And broken record and totally unbiased opinion, the best way to heal your conditioning or be okay with what it is, is to use the power of pleasure in your sexuality. 


Another cliche we got is how we're supposed to "not take it seriously". Great. If you told me, two years ago, I could find my life sparkle back by not giving a fuck, and not taking it seriously, whatever "it" was, you might either have got my fist into your face, figuratively of course I'm polite, or a polite nod, but thinking either "you have it easy come to my life and you'll see if I can not give a fuck". Or "fuck you, you little lesson giver from cloud nines, swimming in eternal bliss, whereas the rest of us are struggling down here." As you may notice, sometimes the people in the SM dungeon of my head can really be mean to other people, too. That's reassuring. 


And... things can change. It's hard to explain. But what I noticed is when you start to do the real work on yourself, you develop this sense of safety. And of course we're all humans, so it comes and goes sometimes and that's okay, you start to know you have your own back. Whatever happens. 


That usually comes when you stop self-hate. And it's a process. But when you start getting closer to that, It's not that nothing counts, or nothing's real and I don't give a fuck, it's more like the consequences of what I do have less real impact on me than I imagined. 


Let me say that again. When you start getting closer to this, stopping self hate, it's not that nothing counts anymore, or nothing's real and I don't give a fuck about anything, it's more like... whatever comes my way, the impact will be less important than what my brain is telling me will be. 


If you truly accept yourself and actually high-five yourself, when you show up and step out of your comfort zone, messing up and falling flat on your face will be less of a big deal. It will still be, of course, I'm not saying it will not be painful or unpleasant. It's just that you have more resources to deal with whatever is coming up for you. So the consequences are less threatening. So you can take it a little less seriously. 


Fair warning here. Not taking it too seriously doesn't mean not giving a fuck. Not taking it seriously doesn't mean abandoning ourselves and not doing anything. There is a big tendency in the spiritual world to mix up surrendering and abandoning yourself. But we'll save that for another episode, this one would become way too long. 


Not taking it seriously doesn't mean putting blinders out and saying "everything is fine because nothing is real". Have you ever tried telling your best friend who's crying after her breakup "you know what don't take it seriously. Everything is an illusion". Great, very helpful when we have war, climate crisis, people not having enough food to survive, democracy being threatened in the world, et cetera. These are serious causes and they need to be taken seriously. But the drama of our lives, no matter how big it is, there is room for taking it a little bit less seriously. Just to release the pressure. 


So maybe instead of saying "not taking it seriously", maybe something like "taking things a little less seriously" would help us. 


And also... what's the best way to stop feeling you could die of anger, sadness, shame, guilt... That all of these emotions would literally endangering your life. That's autopilot. Numbness here and numbness there. That becomes total numbness. Numbness helps you stop feeling you could die from these emotions. It's useful too in some way. Detrimental but useful. That's one of the root of why we are numbing ourselves. And it sucks. So, yeah, that's a sexyfied life too... a life when you take things just as seriously as they truly are. But you take your own drama a little less seriously. 


So your life sparkle comes back, when you actually reclaim your energy by busting out your conditioning and inner mess, allow yourself to feel it all, including the good and the unpleasant, and also learning to take your own drama a little less seriously. Summarized a life: that feels lighter. 


So quick recap, to summarize what a sexyfied life is... I would say it's a life that feels worth living. And then you would be happy to live. A life where you reconnect your sexual energy, radiating with the life force, feeling outrageous pleasure. Reclaiming your inner power. And hundred percent of the self-responsibility that comes with it. 


A life where you accept yourself and also accept there are times you will stop accepting yourself. A life where you're willing to feel at all. And take your own drama a little less seriously. And most of all, a life where you accept to be on the path. Through the peaks and the valleys. Falling flat on your face, real hard and still show up to live your best life. 


It sounds like a lot. Yeah, I know. But, in my totally unbiased opinion, that is a life worth living. Thriving sex, feeling whole and Lifegasm. Welcome to your Sexyfied Life. In case we haven't met yet. I'm Dr. Fanny family, doctor turned self love and pleasure. Nah, just kidding... 


If you found this episode interesting, you can help to spread the sexyfied magic by sending it to a loved one or leaving a review on your favorite podcast platform. Just a star rating helps say "Hey, there's something good in here". 


If you want to go deeper with how you can apply the sexyfied magic to your life, you'd better get into my email list. It comes with a beautiful free ebook to start your journey, it's called essence awaken your body to reclaim the pleasure to feel alive. I can't wait to know how you feel about it. Thank you for sharing your valuable time and energy with me today. I appreciate. And I'll see you next time.